...says it all

Understanding Life, Love and Pain

I’ve experienced it all, the bittersweet taste of life. Love, pain, confusion, bitterness, the feeling of being completely worthless, heartbreak, depression and yet I survived.

In life, love is a beautiful experience. Yes, it will always bring pain and God knows what else… but it also brings joy and a feeling of being complete that none of us can ever explain. From my own experience, I’d rather have love and lost, than never to have loved at all. I’ve experienced pain, but I’ve also experienced a little moments of happiness, and I’ll never trade that little happiness for anything. I am who I am now not only because of the good things, but basically because of the bad moments I went through. We experience these painful moments so we could well appreciate the good things in our lives. Sometimes, it is a good thing that the Lord allows some things to happen to us, to make us stronger and wiser than we were before.The quicker we learn and accept things, the better we will be. 

Without love, we will never be complete. Love is what makes the world go round as they say, it is the force that keeps us innately good. I wouldn’t blame love for the pain it brings, nor will I hold grudges against it for the misery it caused, instead I will thank God for it. We get wounds from it, but those wounds will heal eventually but, it’s not like magic that poof! it’s all healed. It should start within ourselves too. Pain is just but a reminder, that we have lessons to learn, joys to look forward to, and a God to go to in times of need. Don’t be scared to love and and experience the pain because it’s part of LIFE. Grieve from it,  but it's important that  when you decide to grieve,  you don't have to shed a certain number of tears, get angry all you want, but don’t be consumed by bitterness because of it, think that life doesn't stop for your pain. Instead, learn from it and use it to become the best person you can be.

I remember when I was young, I always find myself talking to MYSELF saying… “Be strong. Remember, not everything has a happy ending and endings don’t mean stop!". It’s just a way of telling ourselves that there’s a new beginning ahead of us. You should always be ready for the unpredictable and expect the unexpected.  It’s easy to fall, hard to get up. But once you’re up and back on track, you will be a better person. That’s the way of life! You don’t just live it, you learn from it.”

Believe me.... not all lessons in life can be taught, you have to live through it!

what does not kill me only makes me stronger

Whatever you're going through today is just temporary and if it doesn't kill you it only makes you stronger to deal with other things in life that may come your way.

Who's UGLY?

Everybody talks bad about somebody. And never realises how it affects somebody. And you bet it won't be forgotten. Envy is the only thing it could be. Because people are all the same, and we only get judged by what we do. Personality reflects name, and if I'm ugly then So are YOU.

Forgive, but never Forget

Forgive and forget… this is a popular line used by lots of people especially when giving advice, but it’s not one that is easily followed, easier said than done as always.

Forgiving someone who has done something hurtful and bad to us is not easy, really not that easy. But it usually can be done, though it may take some time. Even though we’ve forgiven someone for the wrong  things they’ve done, we can never really forget the pain, at least not completely. Our mind can be sharp when it comes to these things. Especially if someone has hurt us BIG time. 
What’s the difference between forgiving and forgetting, anyway? If you’ve forgiven someone, doesn’t it automatically mean that you’re willing to forget everything that happened?  Forgiveness is a process and it may take a long time, some even take forever before the resentment and the anger subsides. Forgiveness means that you choose not to punish that person because of what that person has done to you. But giving forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to forget.
Personally, I have a hard time forgiving and forgetting however I can eventually forgive but can never forget and even if I can, I wouldn't want to. There are so many things that went through my mind thinking bout forgiving those people who have caused me so much pain, For me, Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation. Forgiving may somehow release us  from resentment and negative emotions. So I only consider it more as "acceptance" of the things we cannot undo or change.

It’s not a matter of holding a grudge, it’s just that once the damage has been done, it can never be undone. It can be improved and healed, yes, but then again, it can never be undone. In other words, you can forgive the person, but you can’t forget what they did. It will stay with you forever,  just like a wound, it can be healed but the SCARS will remain, but what changes is how you deal with your emotions. Over time, the pain, disappointment and anger may diminish. It will come to a point wherein it becomes just a distant thought with no more emotional impact. Nevertheless, it will enter your mind… someday, you’ll look back… especially during the times in your life when you’re forced to recall it. But then you’re in control. Because it doesn’t affect you like it used to. And this is when you can say that you’re stronger, because of what you’ve been through and because of what you had to endure.That’s why I can say that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with remembering. “Forgive, but never forget“. Now, that’s more like it. Wouldn’t you agree?  

Instilling Self-Confidence

Hopefully we all know how great it can feel when we are genuinely praised by someone who appreciates us. A few well-chosen words can turn a dull day into a far brighter one and lift our spirits. When we feel that others have recognized us in a positive way, our self confidence can rise and we feel valued as an individual.

Genuine praise is not merely a compliment that is issued out of politeness or as a means of buttering us up. Such praise is half- hearted and often not an honest appraisal of how the person giving the compliment actually feels about us.

The type of praise which makes us truly happy comes from others who are grateful for an action that we have taken or our general behaviour which reflects us as individuals. It may also be when a person pays us a compliment about how we look. This type of praise is personal to us and can mean a lot to us.

The truth is that just about every living being who can comprehend language in some form can benefit from praise. Dogs who display behavioural problems can be trained by using praise, and experiments have shown that it is possible that even plants respond favorably to praise as opposed to negativity. This is possibly because they understand us, not through our language, but through the atmosphere that is created by the intention of our words.

Everyone wants to feel that they have worth. Without a sense of worth we lack confidence and become depressed and unhappy. Just as vegetation grows toward the light, we are designed to grow toward that which is positive, and praise falls into this category.

Many parents have cottoned onto this fact and use praise in order to help teach their children. They may have discovered that giving their children negative feedback results in sadness and, in turn, negative behaviour on the part of their children, where as positive praise has the opposite effect.

We don't have to be children though, to benefit from the value of praise. In the workplace employers can achieve great results in production and effort from their employees if they give praise appropriately and so show that they appreciate work undertaken.

In all relationships we can benefit from using praise, in a genuine fashion, to show that we can see when another person has made an effort. This can go a long way to healing damaged marriages and family rifts.

Sometimes it can feel easier to always tell others when they have made a mistake than to seek out what they have done well and tell them so. This may be because we hope that by pointing out another's faults they will begin to see the error of their ways and will change as a result. However, what really makes people change is when they understand that what they put effort into is worthwhile and appreciated. This way they continue to do what they have done well, safe in the knowledge that this is so due to the positive feedback that they have received.

Keep Fighting

remember to fight for it – what you believe in, what you want, what you Love.  because as uncontrollable and unforeseeable as the – your – our – future may be, knowing that you invested and exhausted all efforts in the name of the best thing you’ve ever experienced, can provide the kind of peace that sets anguish apart from calmness of mind.

it takes strength to fight, endure, hurt, and still hope. strength that you don’t think you have, at first. but Life takes strength. Love takes strength. and because we’re all meant to live and Love, we all have just the amount of strength we need to do both.

Live and Love.

credits to http://www.flickr.com/photos/eva_patikian/

Positive Self-Talk

If you’re looking to become a more positive and happy person, then positive self talk is definitely something you should try. Whilst ‘self-talk’ might seem a little silly to you, it has worked for a number of people as a way to improve their health, self-esteem, love life, happiness and more! However, if your self-talk is negative then it can make these areas of your life quickly go downhill. So just what is self-talk and how can you use it to your advantage?

Self talk doesn’t mean talking to yourself out loud, it simply refers to the stream of thoughts that are constantly going through your head. It could mean talking to yourself outloud, but usually you do it in your head. You might not even be aware of what you tell yourself all the time,  but many people who are constantly negative in their self-talk will see negative effects in their lives and the way they see thin

How Self Talk Can Help You

When you always talk to yourself in positive terms, you will soon see this coming out in your life. It’s not ‘magic’ – it simply means giving yourself the encouragement that you need to be a success. On the other hand, if you are constantly talking to yourself about being a failure, then the chances are you may fail at things simply because you don’t have the right motivation to succeed.

This could sound depressing, but the great news is that we all have the power to change our self-talk and improve out lives.

If you want to know whether you are talking negatively to yourself, have a think about whether you use thoughts such as:

• “I messed up yet again”
• “This is fun, but it won’t last”
• “That wen’t alright, but it wasn’t great”

How to Use Positive Self Talk

Now you know how to recognise negative self-talk, you can start to think about changing it around. One problem about negative self-talk is that it often means you blame things that were completely out of your control on your own actions. No matter how irrational this sounds, people do it everyday and it creates a negative personality. Instead, when things go wrong, don’t blame them on you. Or when they go bad, tell yourself that yes it was bad for a while but that’s not how it always is. Do you notice the very small twist on thoughts that turns it into a more positive event?

Really, positive self talk means being aware of your thoughts, not blaming yourself and looking on the right side of things. Even if you don’t believe what you are forcing yourself to think , keep practicing and soon you will believe it, and you will be a more positive person.

Top 10 - Things Women Want

Whether she wants to admit it or not, every woman has a mental checklist of qualities that her ideal partner must possess. While the list will differ somewhat from woman to woman, these ten qualities are almost always found somewhere in her 'must have' list of qualities.

1. Respect.

Women want a man who has respect for himself and shows respect to others. We want to know that you value yourself and that you're going to treat us - as well as our family and friends - right. A man who can't be friendly and courteous isn't going to last long, if he even makes it through the front door.

2. Honesty.

An honest man is, generally speaking, a trustworthy man. Someone who lies is lying for a reason, so it stands to reason that someone who is open and honest has nothing to hide. Would you want to be with a woman if you knew or strongly suspected that she was lying to you? Probably not, and women feel the same way.  

3. Loyalty.

Really, does this need any explanation? We don't want to share you. When you're in a relationship with a woman, it is expected that anything romance-related is reserved especially for her. Your kisses are for her, your sweet nothings are for her ears only, your romantic nights out belong to her, and so on.

4. Maturity.

A woman wants a man, not a child. There's a time and a place to joke around, and it's up to you to know when those times and where those places are. It can be as simple as setting aside the jokes at her aunt's funeral to something as easily overlooked as not teasing her in front of her children, who may not understand that you're just kidding and start to think that it's okay to make fun of Mommy.

5. Confidence.

Is it really a big surprise? Men who aren't afraid to be themselves and take control of their own life are a lot more attractive than men who just sit in their safe-zone day after day waiting for life to happen to them. 

6. Compassion.

It's nice to have a shoulder to cry on at the end of a bad day, and the boyfriend is at the top of the 'preferred shoulders' list (after Mom and the best friend, of course). A woman wants a man who's understanding and comforting, who will rub her back and stroke her hair and hold her tissue box if need be. If you want to make the cut, the last thing you want to do in this area is to snap at her when she comes to you for comfort - doing so will only make her hesitant to come to you in the future.

7. Intelligence.

You don't have to be the next Einstein, but you do have to be capable of carrying on an intelligent conversation. Women want to be able to discuss real, meaningful topics with their significant other, whether it's politics or philosophy or whatever else they happen to be interested in. If all you can talk about is sports or cars or drinking, you'll find yourself talking to an empty seat.

8. The ability to provide and protect.

No big surprise here: women want to be financially secure. If something happens and she can't work, she wants to know that you can provide for her and any children you may have. Similarly, you don't need to go around beating up every guy who looks at her the wrong way, but it puts a woman's mind at ease to know that her man knows how to react in an emergency situation, be it an extreme allergic reaction, a fire, or an intruder in the house.

9. Chivalry.

Ignore the extremists; most women would love to have a man open the car door for her, take her jacket, or walk her to her door after a date. Sure, she can do it herself, but going out of your way to do something for her every now and then will make her feel great. Conversely, doing something like sitting outside in your vehicle honking your horn when you go to pick her up for a date is a good way to make sure there's no second date.  

10. Hygiene.

Nobody wants to get close to someone who's greasier than fast food and smells like a compost bin. 
Before you go to pick her up, shower, shave, brush, comb, and splash on a little cologne for good measure. Show her that you care about her opinion and want to look your best for her.

When it comes to women, there's no surefire way to find your way into her heart, but there are plenty of little things you can do to increase your chances, and unless you're King of the Jerks, none of them involve making drastic changes. A thank you here, a romantic dinner there, and a little more effort every day, and you can easily have a perfectly happy woman at your side. 

Credit to Ms. M. Morrison

The Importance of Humor

Relationships are really hard. They require a lot of  effort to keep a relationship healthy and strong. Close contact, passion, keeping the spice, being thoughtful and having patience are just a few ingredients to keep the relationship brewing. One overlooked spice, is humor. It's the glue to keeping the small things that really matter from crumbling away.


Humor encourages positive thinking. It requires a special gift to be able to look for a silver lining in every cloud and not many people can do so, though many need to. Without humor, all you see is dark despair and disappointment. Humor allows you accept flaws, that the universe is not perfect and neither is the person you're having a relationship with. A minuscule characteristic should not distract you from the wonderful connection you have with someone. A sense of humor keeps you sane and keeps you attracted to the relationship. A dose of those endorphins sure feels good too.


There's also humility in humor. If you can't laugh at yourself, how can you ever get through life? Having a sense of humor means you can roll with the punches. A lot of times people forget why they were in the relationship to begin with. Prides are hurt as tempers flare and threatens to destroy something that once brought joy. Having a sense of humor allows the relationship a chance for its feuding parties to one day look back on the fight and laugh. Humor allows people to put their differences behind them and enjoy what the relationship really has to offer. Fights don't seem so serious after a few punch lines.
Humor also keeps the relationship fun. Over time, strain on the relationship may cause it's magic to fizzle out. Having a quick wit and a few jokes on hand could help in reconnecting and rediscovering that spark. Jokes and pranks also help up the ante on laughter, aiding the bonding process. Laughing together makes you feel in touch and connected. A well timed joke can disrupt a mundane meeting between bosses and subordinates, creating a brief atmosphere where it appears, that behind the facade of titles and pay checks, anybody can enjoy a good chuckle.


Humor is very important in any relationship. It comes in handy when deflecting criticism in a mother/daughter relationship and can diffuse a spat between husband and wife. It strengthens friendships and is a great stress reliever at family gatherings. Having a sense a humor can mend broken relationships and create new ones. So the next time you're feeling frustrated at a misunderstanding, have a good belly laugh.

Pleasing Everybody

Different people have different perception. One man's meat could be another man's poison.


A couple bought a donkey from the market. On the way home,a boy commented, "Very stupid. Why neither of them ride on the donkey?"Upon hearing that, the husband let the wife ride on the donkey. He walked besides them. Later, an old man saw it and commented, "The husband is the head of family. How can the wife ride on the donkey while the husband is on foot?" Hearing this, the wife quickly got down and let the husband ride on the donkey. 

Further on the way home, they met an old Lady. She commented, "How can the man ride on the donkey but let the wife walk. He is no gentleman." 
The husband thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the! donkey. Then, they met a young man. He commented, "Poor donkey, how can you hold up the weight of two persons. They are cruel to you." Hearing that, the husband and wife immediately climbed down from the donkey and carried it on their shoulders. 

It seems to be the only choice left. Later, on a narrow bridge, the donkey was frightened and struggled. They lost their balance and fell into the river. 


MORAL LESSON: You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the future. 

Thus, do not be too bothered by others words if our conscience is clear.. 


Start your year right! Happy New Year Everyone!  :)

Enhancing Relationships - NO OVERPOWERING

Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another,or demands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and their partner will change the bad habits after marriage. Actually, this is not the case. There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character." 

It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on changing the partner's character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness. 

It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations.. 

Enhancing Relationships - PATIENCE

This is a true story which happened in the States. A man came out of his home to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his three-year-old son was happily hammering dents into the shiny paint of the truck. The man ran to his son, knocked him away, hammered the little boy's hands into pulp as punishment. When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital. 

Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally had to amputate the fingers from both the boy's hands. When the boy woke up from the surgery & saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, " Daddy,I'm sorry about your truck." Then he asked, "but when are my fingers going to grow back?" The father went home & committed 
suicide. 

Think about this story the next time someone steps on your feet or you wish to take revenge. Think first before u lose your patience with someone u love. Trucks can be repaired.. Broken bones & hurt feelings often can't. Too often we fail to recognize the difference between the person and the performance. We forget that forgiveness is greater than revenge. 

People make mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes. But the actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever. 

The Health Benefits of Humor: Laughter the Best Medicine

Life is not a bed of roses, at times it is beautiful and at others it leaves behind a trail of sadness. There are many times in our lives when we feel low and the challenges expect us to tackle them clearly and responsibly but that doesn’t mean that we should remove the slightest moments of laughter and light heartedness from our lives.

Laughter is a blessing in disguise which many of us fail to realize. In fact it is one of the things which are contagious in a positive manner; when you smile you leave a smile on the onlooker’s face as well. Laughter is one integral aspect which takes a person beyond just the concept of flesh and bones. Indeed, a person who laughs more has a happy heart and a happy mind which are extremely essential to be successful in life.

Laughter is therapeutic in nature as it opens up your lungs by freeing the breathing process, eases the chest tension by stretching the diaphragm and gives an overall healing effect to your body. It helps in improving respiratory functions for people suffering from problems like asthma. Laughter boosts the overall blood circulation as it improves the blood vessel function and reduces blood pressure and heart rate. It also helps reduce stress in a great way as it reduces the ‘cortisol’ level in the body.

One of the best healing effects of laughter is seen in combating cancer. Cancer thrives in a body which is oxygen depleted and laughter is known to increase the blood circulation thus it increases the availability of oxygen in the body. This is precisely the reason why most of the patients are advised to watch funny stories and cartoons to make them laugh uncontrollably. Another laughter therapy is that it reduces weight by reducing food cravings. In fact, laughing for ten minutes burns 40 calories in a day. Laughter indeed, is the best medicine. To lead a happy and healthy life, laugh a lot and enjoy your life.

NO POINTING FINGERS

A man asked his father-in-law, "Many people praised you for a successful marriage. Could you please share with me your secret?" 
The father-in-law answered in a smile, "Never criticize your wife for her shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not find a better husband than 
you." 

We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid of losing face. Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at. This is the start of a war. We should always remember that when we point one finger at a person, the other fou! r fingers are pointing at ourselves. 

If we forgive the others, others will ignore our mistake too. 

Enhancing Relationships - TRUST

TRUST is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is  broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to   suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity   may result in separation. 

A telephone operator told me that one day she received a phone call.   She answered, "Customer Service, How may I help you?." There was silence. She   repeated, "Customer Service" There was still no answer. When she was going to   cut off the line, she Heard a lady's voice, "Oh, so this is a Company's CSR.Sorry, I got the number from my Husband's pocket but I do not know whose 
number it is." 

Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple if   the telephone operator answered with just "hello" instead of "customer service". 

Emotional Eating

Women are known to be sensitive and emotional individuals. An increase in eating habits due to strong emotions is known as Emotional Eating. Hence, this type of eating disorder primarily affects women. Emotional Eating can be a recuperative health condition, but it can also cause devastation in most social relationships.


CAUSES:


Boredom and Stress
Overeating and emotional eating are similar in nature and result. Emotional eating, like overeating, most likely will result in gaining extra weight. Boredom and too much stress can also lead to this eating disorder. Hence, the difficulty in dealing with inner conflicts may lead to emotional stress. And more women tend to overeat during times of stress to ease or lessen their emotional pain and misery.


Emotional Situations
Hiding emotions can put a big barrier between relationships with people around you. Most people with this problem tend to resort to eating instead of facing their emotional situations. This can cause severe emotional problems for you and the one with whom you are having an argument, because instead of dealing with it and finding a solution, you head to the kitchen to get something to eat. In due time, these incidents can grow to more serious arguments and could lead to more emotional turmoil between you and the people around you. The effect would be more and more emotional situations and your answer would be to eat and eat more.
Disappointments or frustration can also lead someone to overeat, and when someone wasn’t able to reach target goals, that person had more reasons to eat. Whether they feel they are not being appreciated or they are simply overreacting to small problems, they may be ready to eat again. These persons turn to food for fulfillment and contentment; they accept the fact that only food can make them happy. This makes a person’s self esteem and self confidence very low and the cycle of eating when they are down, repeats over and over again.


SOLUTION


Remember, the first step to recovery is to admit you have a problem. It is hard to find a solution if you don’t know what the problem is. If you do admit this, you are on your way to recovery. Just remember to watch what you eat and say to yourself ‘you are beautiful’. No need to look at models with their thin bodies; for all we know they also might be having these problems.

Past Hurts

Past hurts that linger in the memory can be very painful, it can definitely destroy one's self esteem and confidence.Everyone has gone through heartaches and going through it can be very tough. It’s normal to feel sad, angry, exhausted, frustrated and confused. You also may feel anxious about the future. Know that reactions like these will lessen over time. 


Losing someone you love is very painful, you may experience all kinds of difficult and surprising emotions. Sometimes it may feel like the sadness will never let up. While these feelings can be frightening and overwhelming, But they are normal reactions to loss. Accepting them as part of the grieving process and allowing yourself to feel what you feel is necessary for healing.

The memories of the good times you had can be almost impossible to forget. It can seem that everything you look at sparks of some sort of painful remembrance. But there are things you can do to get through this difficult time like reaching out to others for support. Even in the midst of the sadness and stress of your loss, you have an opportunity to learn from the experience and grow into a stronger, wiser person. 


Just because you are feeling emptiness in your life right now, doesn’t mean that nothing is happening or that things will never change. It’s important not to let these emotions drag on and affect our life so much. Learning from your mistakes is the key to not repeating them.